Jaimison

Absolutely hands down Jaimison has been our saving grace. She is an amazing little girl. She makes us so happy and we are so lucky she is our daughter. She is sweet and sassy and so smart. One thing we have really noticed since Harper passed away is that she is so empathetic...she is really intuitive. She knew "mommy had a baby in her belly", but I was never sure how much she really understood. When we came home from the hospital and she saw us crying and upset she knew something was wrong. We were very honest with her about what happened and that it was okay for us to be sad about missing Harper because we wanted Harper to be apart of our family. She had named Harper "Cupcake" and she says she misses Cupcake a lot. Jaimison is a thinker and she will bring things up she had clearly been thinking about. While laying in bed looking at the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling she asked me, "Mom, what is heaven?" Such a hard concept to explain to a three year old, but she really wanted an answer. One of my besties had shared a really thoughtful explanation of what heaven could be with me and I shared it with Jaimison...."look up at the stars and the sky...
only its NOT the sky or the starts, but a giant silk blanket and to give us hope little angles have poked holes in the blanket and that LIGHT we see on earth shinning through is HEAVEN. We just get to see tiny pin holes because if we saw how truly wonderful it was, none of us would want to be stuck on earth anymore." I did a little preschooler editing with her, but she seemed to understand this explanation.

Yesterday we were cleaning out some closets and we came across all of our little momentos we have of Harper. The nurses gave us some imprints of Harper's footprints and Jaimison loves to look at them and touch them....after looking at them for a while she looks at me and says, "Mom...I want to visit heaven." She kind of caught me off guard so I thought for a minute and told her we couldn't go to heaven because it was really really far away. She looked at me again and said, "But mom, we could take a plane and get there!" This broke my heart....a lot of the hardest moments I have had since we lost Harper have been when innocent little Jaimison has just been so honest and open about her feelings. I'm so sad she won't have Harper as her little sister...I'm so sad she doesn't get to be her big sister. We always thought she would be a great big sister and now I know for certain that when we do get lucky enough to bring a sweet little baby home someday that Jaimison will be the best big sister ever!!!!